A few days ago I'd posted on Facebook that I was lonely. Most of my friends didn't comment, and the ones that did mostly told me they loved me or invited me over or something. Except one. She asked me where my husband and my cat were. Now, I'm pretty sure she was just joking, but it just sticks with me! I actually used to have 4 cats (yikes!) but all but one have since passed on to cat heaven at ripe old ages. I guess I could have been using my cats to combat my loneliness, after all, they were (and the current geriatric one is) warm and cuddly!! And that got me to thinking about loneliness in the first place.
I think loneliness comes from inside. When I lived alone, or at least, when I was single, I could go home and be alone, but I wasn't always lonely. I've always enjoyed my own company, and I quite enjoy solitary activities. Now, when I go home and feel lonely, there is no wallowing. My husband is at home too, asking me if I'm ok, what's going on, what he can do for me. And although I love how loving he is, I am actually ok with feeling lonely from time to time. It is a sign to me that I'm not feeling 'centered', or content, or whatever the word is that sums up that nice feeling from the inside out, when you feel that all is right with the world and you know your place in it (at least for now!).
And although feeling lonely, or any feeling that doesn't put a smile on my face, isn't exactly comfortable, I realize that that lonely feeling is what got me to start this blog, got me to think about what I DO want out of MY life, and got me to move in the direction of making my happiness my priority. And I've resisted that in the past because I thought my happiness wasn't important, but somehow the happiness of others (even random strangers) was important. Nuts, huh? So, time for a change, no more Ms. Nice Guy to everyone else instead of me, now I'm Ms. Nice Guy to MYSELF first.
And on that note, I'm off to get some much needed zzzzzz!