Sunday, December 26, 2010

People Change

Sigh. I've come to realize that people are not consistent. Not even me, but (of course) I don't even notice that! After a month of trying to talk to my friend, the one who was busy with her own life, and not getting responses to emails or online chat requests or anything.... I have given up.

Only a few short months ago, before all of this drama erupted, she had sent me an email telling me that she was my friend for life, that she was loyal, and if I ever needed her, she'd be there. She asked me to tell her if she went too far (as she sometimes does) in her joking around, or if she accidentally hurt my feelings.

I guess that changed.

She's gotten into a new relationship. I met her while she was in the middle of her former relationship. She told often the story of how the friends that introduced her to her then-boyfriend later turned on them, or at least her, and she had to cut them out of her life, and out of the life of her then-boyfriend. Since her new relationship is with a friend of mine - and they met through me - perhaps the same us-against-world mentality has arisen. But perhaps I am just inventing excuses for her so that one day she can magically come to her senses and change back into the wonderful, kind friend I used to know.

Maybe she's just changed. And who she is, the person who refuses to talk or listen, is the person who has made the relate in relationship impossible. I'm really disappointed about that.

But people change.

And I plan to change as well. Although my changes will not entail a reduction in the talking or listening in my life! Au contraire. I plan to practice putting myself first. I am so curious about that! It struck me when I first met my Dutch in-laws that the women were very confident. Self-actualized, you might say, if you were a person to use such words.

Then as I interacted with more Dutch women at my inburgering cursus, I noticed that they too seem very confident. I had several meetings with the woman in charge of the training centre attached to the inburgering cursus. At once point, while working on my resume, she told me I needed to focus on what I had achieved with my career. I was a bit self-deprecating - a very Canadian habit, I'm afraid - and she wouldn't let me! She told me I had accomplished a lot, and that I should be proud of it, and told me to look in the mirror (she had one on the wall) and tell myself I am a wonderful person.

If she, a relative stranger, can see that... I can too. I might be high-maintenance, but I am ab-so-lute-ly worth it. I feel a little silly talking to myself in the mirror though.

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