Thursday, January 27, 2011

Fear Doesn't Stop Me

So I did have to call that former friend's mother to get my keys and bank-pass back. I found the whole experience very upsetting, but I am glad that my life is not cluttered with someone like A anymore.

I know A's mother personally, in fact, she's also known as my Vancouver-mom. She's also my real-estate agent, and a fine one at that. I had asked her to handle selling my Canadian property prior to all of this blowing up with A, and I have to admit, I was nervous about going forward since I knew her through A.

Of course, she and my mother know each other, and she came to my wedding as my guest, so my personal and professional relationship with her has nothing to do with her kid. But still.

It was really tough to call her. I felt there was a lot at risk. For one thing, calling her and asking for her help in dealing with A was my final surrender that good times, trust, or even basic human interactions with A were a thing of the past. I had to admit to myself that A is no longer someone that has meaning in my life. I also felt a bit uncertain asking for help in dealing with her. A's behaviour had become so bizarre that I couldn't handle it on my own.

Now, perhaps A's refusal to speak to me is not in itself bizarre, but to refuse to speak to me or to my cousins, and to refuse to return house keys and a bank-pass... that is not just unpleasant and passive-aggressive and childish, but aggressively irresponsible! And none of those things were what I expected from A. So, while that unpleasant surprise is disappointing, at least I know more now.

I was also a bit fearful that A's mom would have chosen sides in some way, and be unable to maintain our relationship. That would be too bad no matter what, but it would also be very inconvenient to search for a new real estate agent I could trust, from Holland.

Fortunately, A's mom was pleased to hear from me as usual, and happily offered to help me get my things returned to my cousin, and assured me that A had nothing to do with us.

I'm really glad that J encouraged me to rehearse what I wanted to accomplish, so that I didn't drag A's mom into my sadness or hurt over A's behaviour. And that I made the call and got what I needed done. I'd already delayed several weeks because I knew A's new boyfriend was visiting, and it was Christmas and then New Year's and I didn't want to be causing her a problem.

How nice of me.... especially when I now see that my being so thoughtful was actually just avoiding a confrontation. Sigh.

But I did it. I was nervous and uncertain, and I did it anyway. Isn't that great! And A dropped everything off with a cousin the next day. Yay!

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