Monday, February 21, 2011

Self-Doubt Attacks!

I am surprised to find myself lacking in confidence and conviction. It is very uncomfortable!

I am now a personal trainer. I have been interested and active and informed about fitness and fitness-related areas in a more-than-average fashion for many years (with a 2-year hiatus due to a car accident and a nasty fibro flareup). I am very fit and very strong.

Yet I can't seem to meet my own fitness goals.

Well... that's not entirely true. I set a goal of running a 10K race, and met that after 3 months of training. I discovered along the way that I don't enjoy running much. But, if I ever needed to run at a fairly slow pace for an hour or longer - say, escaping a vicious, geriatric killer, or a zombie, I could. Both categories of potential attackers are notoriously slow. As am I.

I also set a goal of returning to my pre-accident/illness flexibility, strength, and weight. I've done that. Which is quite a huge accomplishment, and one I tend to dismiss because it took a little bit of work... every single day. A bit like brushing my teeth. I do it every day, and while I enjoy compliments on my great teeth and smile, I don't feel particularly proud to still have teeth. But back in the day, when people didn't know about teeth-brushing, lots of them had no teeth left by my ripe old age of 37. So, while my amazing progress is wonderful, it's also no surprise.

So what am I feeling so discouraged and self-doubting about? Well, it seems I still have a high percentage of body-fat. This doesn't make sense to me scientifically, as I:
  1. am reasonably careful about my diet (far more than most people, but I don't completely exclude treats or meals out).
  2. have lifted weights consistently over the past two years with the purpose of increasing muscle fibres and muscle density. This is not only to give my body a shape I like, but muscle needs more calories to sustain even just sitting around, so more muscle = more calories burned just doing nothing.
  3. am an active person, participating in aerobics classes, cycling all over town to run errands, and other kinds of aerobic training.

I just don't get it. And I think I should, given my knowledge and experience. So... bring on the self-doubt.

Actually, bring on consulting someone I trust to know better. I don't have to have all the answers, I just have to care enough to find someone who has the answers I need. For now.

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