Friday, March 4, 2011

Let the Past Be

I recently got one of those forwarded emails from a friend, and glancing through it I was struck by something.

One of the lines says, "Don't worry about people from your past. There's a reason they didn't make it to your future."

This really touched me, as I was recently thinking about those two women who used to be good friends and are no longer part of my life. I was thinking I'd like to find some way to honour the good times, sort of like a funeral. At a funeral you're sad that someone you love or who had meaning for you is gone, but you remember what you liked and enjoyed about that person. And whether their death is sudden, expected, or figurative, I think it can be the same. And in the case of a figurative funeral, the only difference is that the person is still alive, wandering the earth somewhere. It's just by choice that their lives no longer touch yours.

So here, in alphabetical order, are eulogies for my two friends, A & S, who have recently passed on.

I loved how funny A was. I remember so many giggles and hilariously confusing conversations! I liked feeling like a bit of big sister, helping her with a few things when I could. I loved just hanging around, talking about this and that or making plans for something. I remember how thoughtful she was. If she wasn't sure, she always used to err on the side of pitching in, offering to help, or bringing home dinner in case I hadn't eaten yet. She was terrific. She was curious about so many things, had an obsession with British royal history, and said whatever came to her mind.... which was sometimes entirely appropos, and sometimes shocking! I will miss the friend she was very much indeed.

S was so much fun! I remember so many talks, about so many things, interrupted only by sleep, homework, and somebody making the tea. She taught me to cook. She was so smart, I loved how articulate she was. I never had to explain the words I used, because she used them too. I remember laughing to the point of tears for no good reason, just because we were having fun together. I tend to be a pretty conservative person, so I thought she could be reckless, but the good I got out of that was to be a bit more adventurous. She was very driven and was a really hard worker. She found bugs very interesting, and tried to explain their little body parts, or their life-cycle, or motivation to appear on the kitchen counter to me while I stood there screaming for her to KILL IT! She was always willing to try and to help. I miss that terrific woman very much.

Although I am grateful for what was, there is indeed a reason why those two people didn't make it to my future. I'm grateful for that too. And now this chapter is closed.

I am so thankful for my wonderful friends and family. To those of you who are part of my past and my future, I love you, I respect you, and most of all, I enjoy you. A future with you in it is a future I am going to enjoy!


  1. what a great idea!! do you feel any "lighter" now?? i know how it feels to lose a friend, not easy...

  2. Interesting you should ask! I feel pretty good about my mini-funeral!! I remember what a yo-yo experience it was when my father passed away, but there was something about the ceremony of the funeral, the different events, or stages, of the funeral, that really let me be ok with him being gone. And I still feel things when I think about my dad - anger, love, frustration, confusion, appreciation, etc.... so I'm not surprised to still feel things about friends that have made messy exits. But, it all gets tempered with time, and maturity, and compassion. Life is just full of experience, huh!