Monkey off my Back!

I read that expression recently, and thought, Bingo!

I find this process of looking inside myself, of trying to see who I am, very interesting. I'm very confident with my values, and yet I find it hard to stand up for myself.

That's why I get so angry, sometimes I am even perceived as aggressive, when inside I am feeling pushed around.

I am so idealistic that it has caused me to end friendships. I have no regrets there, of course my life is better without those monkeys on my back. Yet, I am sad. I am hurt, personally, by these sad excuses for humanity. It's not the lying, the cheating, the selfishness in the specific that causes me pain, it's the knowledge that that is the very best that person can offer the world. And shock of course at the affront to my values. (Maybe a bit sanctimonious, but doing the right thing isn't easy... it's just right. Stop being lazy and grow up.)

And what I need to do is work on being ok from walking away from those people. I am so idealistic, I want to help them. But it really is trying to teach an old dog new tricks. Only the old dog died a while ago!

I guess Bing Crosby was right, all the monkeys aren't in the zoo, every day you meet quite a few! But whether the monkey is on my back or talking behind my back, I guess I'm a step ahead.