What is up with me being late for everything? I've got it figured out that I am afraid of being early. Because that is so terrifying? I don't understand this. When I'm a few minutes early, I can relax and do nothing. I don't recall feeling particularly anxious those rare occasions that I've been early. But I don't think it is really the early-ness that bothers me... it is the lack of productivity.
Again... I'm so productive??? Here is my thought process: Ok, rush get this done, rush get that done, rush go over here, rush go over there... and panic because I'm late. Not too pleasant.
But when I am ready early, I just sit there. Not accomplishing anything. I do that sometimes for no reason at all, so why it's a problem is still unclear....
Maybe I need to give myself some kind of Waiting Game. A list of things I could do, if I wanted to, while I waited. I usually have a notebook with me, so I could write a list in there. And I could write other things, I suppose. I've heard of people carrying around note-cards, pens, envelopes and stamps so they can write letters and send cards while they wait. If I expect a wait, for example while travelling, I bring a book or two. But I dislike the idea of carrying a bunch of crap around with me just-in-case.
I guess I'll have to get thinking about what I can do with the waiting time so that I don't face that dreaded boredom.
But anyway, what's so scary about boredom, if it is boredom that bothers me?
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