What is up with me being late for everything? I've got it figured out that I am afraid of being early. Because that is so terrifying? I don't understand this. When I'm a few minutes early, I can relax and do nothing. I don't recall feeling particularly anxious those rare occasions that I've been early. But I don't think it is really the early-ness that bothers me... it is the lack of productivity.
Again... I'm so productive??? Here is my thought process: Ok, rush get this done, rush get that done, rush go over here, rush go over there... and panic because I'm late. Not too pleasant.
But when I am ready early, I just sit there. Not accomplishing anything. I do that sometimes for no reason at all, so why it's a problem is still unclear....
Maybe I need to give myself some kind of Waiting Game. A list of things I could do, if I wanted to, while I waited. I usually have a notebook with me, so I could write a list in there. And I could write other things, I suppose. I've heard of people carrying around note-cards, pens, envelopes and stamps so they can write letters and send cards while they wait. If I expect a wait, for example while travelling, I bring a book or two. But I dislike the idea of carrying a bunch of crap around with me just-in-case.
I guess I'll have to get thinking about what I can do with the waiting time so that I don't face that dreaded boredom.
But anyway, what's so scary about boredom, if it is boredom that bothers me?
Loving Yourself Friendship Happiness Change Clarity Expectations Acceptance Fun Forgiveness Family Fitness Focus Fatigue Goals Intimacy Personal Training Trust Kindness Love Anger Fibromyalgia Bahá'í Faith Languages Loneliness Mood Success Health House Hunting Social Customs Work Religion Sports Inner World Privacy Travel Cats Cooking Dancing Games political philosophy